


without restraint.

by sketchy_and_unformed



Series: love it when you beg [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: BDSM, Bad Communication, Bondage, Dom Drop, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, Impact Play, Just in case that wasn't clear!, M/M, Orgasm Control, Panic Attack, Reluctant dom Yamato, Smut, Subspace, Top Drop, Verbal Humiliation, Whipping, alternating pov, eventual kink negotiation, not for sex but for the specific kind of play, please heed the tags this is not a light fic, trigger warning: blood, unsafe play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:40:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28670919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketchy_and_unformed/pseuds/sketchy_and_unformed
Summary: Yamato looked away for a long moment, digging deep down within himself to call on his Tenzō persona.Forget how adorably soft Kakashi looks with his hair loose over his forehead and wearing that shirt that’s at least a size too big for him, he told himself.Forget about how what you’d really like to do is kiss him and hold him and make love to him as tenderly as you can.Even forget that you love him.None of that is what he wants right now.~~~Kakashi asks for too much and Yamato has a bad time. In the end, they're able to compromise.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Series: love it when you beg [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994323
Comments: 23
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am back with an instalment so extreme I had to split it into chapters, ahhhh.
> 
> **Please mind the tags. This is unsafe play. Intense, dubiously consensual kink (chapter 1) with a big emotional impact (chapter 2).**
> 
> **Specific content warnings are at the end of the work.**
> 
> Please enjoy but be forewarned this fic skirts into unpleasant and dark territory. It's Kakashi and Yamato, though, so they do a pretty good job of recovering from it :)

Kakashi dropped onto the sofa beside Yamato with a weary sigh. His hand settled comfortably on his partner’s knee and he let his head tip back to stare up at the ceiling.

“Tough day?” Yamato asked, covering Kakashi’s hand with his own.

Kakashi nodded and released another sigh.

Yamato tutted softly. “Anything I can do for you?”

Kakashi shook his head. He tugged his mask down with his free hand and closed his eyes.

“Remind me who the hell died and made me Hokage,” he said sourly.

Yamato stifled a laugh. “That bad?”

“Not bad, I suppose. But tiring. Stressful, too.” Kakashi rubbed his eyes. “There’s just so much  _ thinking _ .”

“I know how much you hate to think,” Yamato teased. He tugged lightly on Kakashi’s arm and Kakashi went with the movement, curling up on the sofa and putting his head in Yamato’s lap. Yamato started to comb through his thick silver hair with his fingers and Kakashi hummed his approval.

“You’re sure there’s nothing you want right now?” Yamato asked. Kakashi shook his head against his thigh. Yamato scratched lightly at his scalp and he melted into the touch, lips parting in innocent pleasure.

“There must be something,” Yamato probed.

“Mm,” Kakashi said.

“I could run you a bath,” Yamato suggested. “Order your favourite food. Open a bottle of sake. Anything you want, Kakashi.”

Kakashi arched in his lap like a cat, rolling onto his back and pushing up against Yamato’s hands. “Just be close to me, please. Your hands feel great.”

Yamato smiled and trailed his fingers down Kakashi’s cheek. “How tired are you, really?”

Kakashi cracked one eye open to look at him. “Why? What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I do know a few excellent ways to help you stop thinking,” Yamato said innocently as his fingers dipped beneath the collar of Kakashi’s long-sleeved shirt. “And I could keep my hands on you for those.”

“Oh? Could you?” Kakashi’s eye brightened with coy interest.

“Yes, I could.” Yamato snaked his hand all the way down the front of Kakashi’s shirt to smooth over his chest. “Or my mouth.”

A soft moan rumbled in Kakashi’s throat.

“I do enjoy your mouth,” he said.

Yamato leaned down to kiss him softly. Kakashi raised an arm to cup his hand around Yamato’s neck, smiling against his lips.

It was a sweet kiss until Kakashi was unable to stifle a huge yawn. His mouth gaped open and Yamato jerked up with a grimace.

“Wow. I’m insulted.”

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said mid-yawn, waving a hand in front of his mouth. “I’m just tired.”

“That’s alright,” Yamato said, returning to stroking his lover’s hair. “There’s always tomorrow.”

Kakashi sat up, brow creasing in thought.

“Uh-oh,” Yamato said. “I don’t like that look.”

Kakashi’s eyes slid sideways. “There is one thing that always makes me feel better after a long day, you know.”

“Oh?” Yamato leaned in eagerly. It wasn’t all that often that Kakashi let go of his stubborn self-dependance for long enough to let Yamato really look after him so he was ready to seize even the smallest opportunity to pamper his boyfriend. “What is it?”

Kakashi’s tired face livened with the spark of anticipation that leapt into his grey eyes.

“I’d love it if you could whip me until I cry and then make me come.”

Yamato’s breath stuttered and he blinked. “O-oh.”

Kakashi smiled wickedly. “You weren’t expecting that.”

“Ah. Can’t say that I was,” Yamato admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kakashi watched the light flush of colour creep up his boyfriend’s throat. “But would you? You did say you’d do anything, remember?”

Yamato nodded slowly. “I did, didn’t I?”

Kakashi twisted to get his arms around Yamato’s neck. “So?”

Yamato nodded. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the bedroom. Take out everything you want me to use.”

Kakashi grinned and left the room with a bounce in his step that definitely hadn’t been there when he’d trudged through the front door earlier. Yamato watched him go with apprehensive eyes.

He’d been itching for some alone time with Kakashi, but he hadn’t been anticipating a scene tonight. Especially when Kakashi had arrived home looking exhausted and a little grumpy.

He should have learned by now to expect the unexpected when it came to his boyfriend.

Yamato wished he hadn’t been quite so hasty to agree to Kakashi’s request, though. He sighed as he leaned forward on the couch, listening to the light sounds of the other man rummaging through the closet in the bedroom where they kept their kink paraphernalia. He knew Kakashi wouldn’t have made a fuss if he’d said he wasn’t in the mood for anything extreme. He also knew that it was never too late for either one of them to back out of a scene once they’d started.

_ “Consent can be withdrawn at any time,” _ Kakashi had told him early on.  _ “Just because you agree to try something with me, it doesn’t mean you have to see it through to the end, okay? I will never get angry at you for tapping out of something that’s making you uncomfortable.” _

But, Yamato thought as he rose to his feet and walked, rather more heavily than Kakashi had, to their bedroom, he loved to make Kakashi happy. More than that, he hated to disappoint him. Kakashi would never have admitted to being disappointed, but the knowledge that he’d turned him down for anything would weigh heavily on Yamato’s mind for hours afterwards. He even felt uncomfortable rejecting Kakashi’s advances on nights when he was so exhausted from a mission it was all he could do not to fall asleep face down in his supper, even though Kakashi would always help him to get ready for bed and curl up beside him with a book so that he didn’t have to fall asleep alone.

Such thoughtful, touching gestures were exactly what spurred him on to give Kakashi whatever he wanted. In the grand scheme of things, his lover wasn’t so very demanding after all. Kakashi could be kept happy with good food, better sex and plenty of sleep.

And besides, it wasn’t as though Yamato got nothing at all out of being the dominant to Kakashi’s submissive.

His appetite for Kakashi, even several years into their relationship, was still insatiable. Any way that he got to have him was a pleasure.

Kakashi was still clothed when Yamato entered the bedroom, which was mildly surprising. When Yamato took in the array of toys and tools laid out on the bed, though, it made more sense.

“Red?” he asked and Kakashi nodded, twisting his hands together in front of him.

“Please.”

Yamato looked away for a long moment, digging deep down within himself to call on his Tenzō persona.

_ Forget how adorably soft Kakashi looks with his hair loose over his forehead and wearing that shirt that’s at least a size too big for him, _ he told himself.

_ Forget about how what you’d really like to do is kiss him and hold him and make love to him as tenderly as you can. _

_ Even forget that you love him. _

_ None of that is what he wants right now. _

“Take off your clothes,” he said coldly without turning around and caught the tiny hitch in Kakashi’s breath. “When you’ve done that, I want you on your knees at my feet. You have thirty seconds.”

It was more than enough time, he knew. He didn’t really have the heart to punish Kakashi so early in the night. He was struggling to get into Tenzō’s headspace and Kakashi would know it soon if he couldn’t find his focus.

Yamato turned to the bed as Kakashi obediently knelt naked at his feet. Kakashi had really gone all out with the selection. As well as an array of whips and paddles, he’d picked out collars, nipple clamps and screws, cock rings, vibrators, gags and blindfolds. Yamato picked up the ‘gates of hell’ leather and metal cock ring and raised his eyebrows.

“You want this tonight?”

Kakashi only looked mutely up at him until Yamato added, “Answer the question.”

“Yes please.”

Yamato idly stroked the restraint. “Yes please...what?”

He actually heard Kakashi swallow.

“Yes please, sir.”

“Good,” Yamato murmured and dropped to his knees. Kakashi lowered his eyes, a pretty pink blush spreading over his cheekbones. Yamato took hold of Kakashi’s hair and slowly forced him to raise his head. He let his eyes roam over his lover’s naked body. Kakashi was already half-hard and under Yamato’s gaze his cock stiffened quickly. Yamato tutted and slowly shook his head.

“How can I put this on you if your dick is already hard?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Kakashi said.

Yamato yanked his hair roughly, jerking a gasp out of him.

“Sorry doesn’t fix this,” he said.

He dropped the cock cage and took hold of Kakashi’s balls. Kakashi drew in a quick breath at his touch. Slowly, Yamato tightened his hand, squeezing until Kakashi tried to flinch away from his hold.

“Whore,” Yamato said, forcing a sneer into his voice. “Always desperate even before I touch you. What should I do about it?” He squeezed viciously for a brief moment and Kakashi let out a pained cry. “Answer me, whore.”

“I...I don’t know,” Kakashi said.

“That isn’t good enough is it?” Yamato said, internally flinching at the strain and fear in Kakashi’s voice.

_ It’s just a game. You know that you would never– _

He couldn’t trust himself to look at his lover’s face or it might all fall apart so instead Yamato kept his eyes on Kakashi’s stiff cock and his own hand around Kakashi’s balls. He took a deep breath and slid his other hand from Kakashi’s hair down to cup his soft cheek, pausing there for a moment to orientate himself and measure his angle, speed and force without using his eyes.

Then he drew back and caught Kakashi’s face with a hard slap.

Kakashi flinched but didn’t make a sound. Yamato hadn’t hit nearly hard enough to bruise and he sensed that Kakashi was waiting for another blow.

Tenzō wouldn’t hesitate. Yamato, though, was reluctant to deliver it.

He dragged his fingers roughly along the length of Kakashi’s cock instead and felt it twitch for his touch.

“Even when I hurt you, you still want me,” he said–Tenzō said–with a curl of his lip. “It’s pathetic.”

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir,” Kakashi said. He already sounded slightly breathless, worked up and ready for more abuse. “I’m pathetic,” he said. “I’m a whore.”

“Yes,” Yamato hissed. “And what do good little whores do for their masters, Kakashi?”

“They make them come,” Kakashi said.

Yamato pinched his lover’s cheek hard and finally risked a glance at his face. Kakashi’s pupils were dilated with arousal and anticipation, making his eyes appear deeper and darker. The cheek under Yamato’s hand was noticeably redder than the rest of his face in spite of the flush that grew more prominent with every insult, spreading down Kakashi’s throat now. Yamato tamped down the instinct to stroke and kiss where he’d hit.

“Then get to work,” he said instead with a rough shove to Kakashi’s face.

Kakashi moved eagerly, getting his hands on Yamato’s fly and nimbly popping it open. Then he paused.

Yamato wasn’t hard.

“Tenzō?” Kakashi asked, hands on Yamato’s thighs.

Yamato took a deep breath and tried to believe that this was all part of the act.

“Do you see that?” he said as disdainfully as he could manage. “I can’t even get it up for you anymore. You don’t deserve my cock, Kakashi.”

“Please,” Kakashi implored him. “Please, sir. Let me get you hard.”

“You don’t get to decide what you do,” Yamato snapped, letting his very real frustration at himself bleed into his character. “I’ll tell you if I want you to get me hard, Kakashi. You don’t do a thing until I say that you can. Is that clear?”

Kakashi nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Abruptly, Yamato got to his feet.

“I’m going to leave now, since I can’t trust you not to stay hard for me like the cock slut that you are. When I come back I expect you to be wearing that cage. If you’re good for me, maybe I’ll be able to get it up for a whore like you.”

It was a blatant cover for his need to escape the scene and collect himself, but it worked. Kakashi swallowed hard and nodded again, and Yamato strode out of the room.

Back on the couch he dropped his head into his hands, his determination to see the scene through for Kakashi’s sake severely wavering.

The more extreme side of their kink play was still difficult for him. Much easier than it had been at first, but he’d had to work hard to overcome his aversions to words and actions that had felt so unnatural to him when they’d begun.

Calling Kakashi such awful things, even knowing that Kakashi got off on it, frequently made him feel dirty in a way that wasn’t sexy and that the hottest shower couldn’t wash away.

Kakashi wasn’t a whore to him, hadn’t ever been. He was the love of Yamato’s life, his closest friend, the person whom he respected most in all of the world.

But Kakashi–his Kakashi–liked it when Yamato told him that he was a whore.

He liked it when Yamato slapped him, degraded him and used him.

And more distressing for Yamato than Kakashi wanting those things were the times that Yamato enjoyed them just as much.

He’d gotten off–gotten off  _ hard _ –on pushing Kakashi around, on fucking his throat, forcing his legs apart and taking him viciously until his lover’s voice was hoarse from begging. When Kakashi had been away for weeks at a time on diplomatic missions Yamato had stripped his own cock almost raw to memories of Kakashi tied up, Kakashi’s face covered in his cum, Kakashi’s ass striped red from lashes of the cane.

And as much reassurance as he got from Kakashi that none of those desires made him a horrible person, as much as he knew Kakashi enjoyed it and as much confidence as he had in Kakashi to use safe words if he needed to and to clearly outline his limits before any sort of play…

As much as he knew Kakashi’s strength and ability to escape from any situation if he needed to…

As much as Yamato was absolutely certain in his heart that he would never, in all his life, ever allow himself to truly hurt Kakashi in any way…

It was still difficult.

“Don’t think of it as pain,” Yamato murmured to himself. “For him it’s just...more sensation. You’re not hurting him. He’ll say if it’s ever too much.”

With that quick pep talk he strode back into the bedroom and took in the sight that met him. 

Kakashi was still on his knees with his hands behind his back and his chin lowered. His thighs were spread wide to display his cock beautifully bound up in metal rings joined by the single stripe of dark leather along the top.

Yamato’s throat tightened as lust spiked through his gut and his dick finally started to rise in response. Kakashi looked incredible like that, naked with the restraint drawing Yamato’s eyes directly to where he was hard and waiting for his touch.

He walked over to stand in front of Kakashi, as close as he could get without actually mashing his crotch against the other man’s face. Kakashi inhaled through his nose and Yamato knew, with a dizzy thrill, that his lover would be able to smell his arousal this close. He petted Kakashi’s hair roughly and Kakashi groaned and swayed just slightly forward.

Yamato was hard for him. Kakashi could see it, smell it, and his mouth ached to get around his lover’s cock and swallow him down until he was helpless to do anything but come down Kakashi’s throat. His fingers twitched, wanting to reach out and unfasten buttons and yank at fabric until he could rub his face against where the scent was strongest and spread Yamato’s slick all over his skin.

On a good day Kakashi could very nearly come from this alone; using his lips and tongue to drive Yamato senseless with pleasure, teasing and worshipping his cock until his lover fucked uncontrolled into his mouth, cursing and praising him in the same breath. He still marvelled at exactly how good the sex with Yamato was, how much more he had always seemed to feel even when they weren’t doing a scene. His orgasms were better and his strong desire to get Yamato off as well and how much it aroused him to do so was something new for him.

Before Yamato, Kakashi hadn’t been one for romance. He had deliberately skirted such sentimental things in favour of no strings attached sex that was as fast and dirty as he could find it. He had always known, in the back of his mind, that he had what Genma might have called attachment issues–he had a fucked up past and he couldn’t pretend otherwise. In fact, he wore his trauma like a badge of honour more often than not, courting the cold-blooded reputation that he had earned in the ANBU and using it as another mask to keep people at a distance from his truest self, whoever that was.

For years he had hidden his vulnerability so deeply that he couldn’t be sure that any remained at all. He lost sight of who he really was and he was perfectly okay with that.

He was a shinobi first and foremost. Not a friend and certainly not anything that anybody could want as a partner.

The idea of something longer term than a one night stand had bored Kakashi (at least, he had told himself that the repulsion was boredom. Not fear; such an idea was laughable to the infamous Copy Nin). To satisfy his libido he took day trips outside of the village and sought out seedy fetish clubs where he could find some big bruiser of a dom to smack him around and tell him he was cheap, easy, pathetic. He’d thrilled in the danger of handing his power and agency over to somebody he had no idea if he could trust not to hurt him.

So much of Kakashi’s life had been characterised by pain; it was nice to find a little pleasure in it at least some of the time. And getting flogged and fucked until he wept and came had absolutely nothing to do with any of the other pain in his life. It was something he sought out because he enjoyed it and he’d never cared to consider why. He’d certainly never felt ashamed of it.

He’d never struggled to find someone willing to use him the way he craved being used, either.

For years Kakashi had believed that anonymous sex like that was the only thing that could get him off. He still took pleasure in many of those same kinks as part of his sex life with Yamato, but Gods, the whole of what they had together was so much greater.

They had love, and Kakashi didn’t think he’d ever stop being grateful, absolutely blown away that they’d found it with each other.

As awe-inspiring as the relationship was, though, his own feelings hadn’t been a total surprise. Yamato had slipped inside his defences almost as soon as they’d met, seeing through him with those unflinchingly wide brown eyes, staring into the darkness at the core of him and never retreating from it. It had been impossible not to trust a comrade so reliable and steadfast as Yamato had been in their ANBU days. Equally impossible not to warm to those same eyes when they offered him such admiration, friendship and faith in equal measure.

Yamato had been Kakashi’s weakness for years, a desire he’d never admitted even to himself. He’d thought himself incapable of love and, at the root of it all, undeserving. After the war, though, and knowing how horrifyingly close he’d come to losing all of his most precious people forever, keeping quiet about his feelings had ceased to be an option.

He’d had unspoken suspicions that Yamato would reciprocate, but the joy and relief of hearing him say it and reading the truth of it in his eyes had been indescribable.

Three years in and Kakashi hadn’t managed to fuck it up yet. He was fairly confident that Yamato wasn’t going to wake up one day and realise that he wasn’t worth the effort.

In the here and now, Yamato easily read his desires and seized his hair, pulling until it hurt. Kakashi hissed and felt his trapped cock twitch.

“We’re not done yet, are we?” Yamato said and Kakashi could hear him rummaging through the spread of toys on the bed behind him. “You took the time to get all of these things out for me, Kakashi. You’re so needy, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Tenzō,” Kakashi said.

Yamato’s clothed erection was close enough for him to lick if he just put out his tongue, but he didn’t.

“These,” Yamato said and withdrew. Kakashi bit back on a whine at the loss of his body heat and scent and looked at the tool in Yamato’s hand.

He’d picked the collar with the O-ring at the throat and Kakashi’s favourite nipple screws. Kakashi’s mouth went dry and he knelt a little straighter in anticipation.

Yamato’s eyes darkened.

“I can see how much you want these on you,” he said. “Don’t worry. I’ll give them to you.”

Yamato joined him on the floor and Kakashi kept perfectly still. The threat of denial and punishment was always heavy between them during this kind of play but he wanted, wanted oh so desperately to hurt. The day really had been rough and falling into subspace always brought him a feeling of relief deep enough to erase all but the very worst of events. The most reliable way that he knew of to get to that space was physical pain.

Anything short of a death, he could let go of when he ceded his control to Yamato–to Tenzō.

Yamato licked Kakashi’s left nipple and he arched against the touch before he could stop himself. Yamato withdrew and shot him a warning look but thankfully–thank the Gods–his warm mouth quickly returned.

The sensation was pleasant but it was really the anticipation of what was to come that was making him tingle.

When Kakashi’s nipple was spit-slick and hard, Yamato placed the metal ring around it and began to slowly tighten the screws.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he said quietly.

Kakashi nodded, watching him intently. The metal was cold against his sensitive areola and he shivered deliciously. Yamato tightened all four screws evenly until they just met the tender peak.

“Keep going,” Kakashi said.

Yamato gave each screw another tweak and the gap in the centre of the ring closed a little more, the bare metal cradling Kakashi’s nipple snugly. Yamato looked up at him.

“More?”

Kakashi nodded and Yamato tweaked again. Kakashi hissed when he finally felt the first flash of pain as his nipple caught tight in the squeeze that came from four directions all at once.

Between his legs his bound cock twitched and dripped.

Yamato gave the topmost screw one final nudge and– _ oh _ . That was it.

Perfect.

Kakashi groaned against the rush of pleasure-pain that spiked through his whole body, emanating from his trapped nipple. He was achingly hard now, snugly filling out the cock ring that ensured he was hyper-aware of every sensation, any tiny thing that would increase his arousal and the swell of his erection against the unyielding metal.

Yamato caught his chin and searched his eyes. “What’s the safe word?”

“Broccoli,” Kakashi enunciated, then yanked his boyfriend into a kiss.

Yamato started in surprise but quickly yielded, welcoming Kakashi’s tongue into his mouth with a low moan.

Kissing was never part of their scenes, not when Yamato was playing as Tenzō, but Kakashi craved the warmth of his lover’s mouth tonight as much as he craved the pain. They kissed heatedly and Yamato let his hands roam over Kakashi’s naked body, pulling his lover flush against him and squeezing the swell of his ass. Kakashi broke away and Yamato searched his eyes questioningly.

“You don’t have to be Tenzō tonight,” Kakashi told him.

The relief in Yamato’s face was evident and he kissed Kakashi again, lingering for just long enough to make Kakashi ache with the loss of his lips when he drew back.

“Then what?” Yamato asked softly.

Kakashi pushed up against him and brought his lips to Yamato’s ear.

“I still want it to hurt. I want you to whip me. But...ah, I want to touch you, too. I want to tell you I love you if I feel like it. I want to be  _ us _ tonight.”

Yamato let out a shaky breath and wrapped his arms around Kakashi’s shoulders.

“I’ve never…” he started, then swallowed thickly. “I’ve never done this as Yamato.”

“Try for me,” Kakashi murmured, rubbing up against him. His trapped cock left a wet spot against Yamato’s trousers. “Put the other clamp on me now.”

Yamato nodded and pulled away. He retrieved the other nipple screw and teased Kakashi’s right nipple with his mouth again until it was stiff enough for him to tighten the device around it.

When the screws pinched the pink bud tight Kakashi arched.

“ _ Ah _ .”

Yamato hesitated. “What do I...what does it mean to be...us?”

Kakashi laid his hand over Yamato’s heart and held his eye, serious and steady even as he tensed against the wonderful throb from the dual points of pain on his chest.

“It means you don’t have to pretend,” he said in a strained voice. “You don’t have to act like you don’t want me as much as I want you.”

Yamato gave a light laugh and his smile made Kakashi grin in turn, his cheeks flushed dark as he squirmed against the intense clamps.

“Do you want restraints?” Yamato asked, eyeing Kakashi’s nearly naked body appreciatively.

“Yes,” Kakashi said, splaying his legs a little wider and tilting his hips, making a display of himself for his lover. He licked his lips and watched Yamato’s eyes track his tongue. “I want everything. Tie me up. Hurt me. Push me as far as I can go.”

Yamato looked away then and Kakashi reached out to touch his jaw.

“Try for me,” he said softly. “Please, Yamato. I need it.”

Yamato reached out and rubbed the pads of his thumbs roughly over Kakashi’s caught nipples and Kakashi shivered and rocked forward.

“The collar,” he managed, eyes closed as he focused on Yamato’s touch, the pinching pain and the ache of his trapped cock, heavy with blood. “Please.”

Yamato placed the leather collar around Kakashi’s neck and fastened it with steady fingers. Kakashi reached up and pulled it two notches tighter until the edges bit into his skin and he sighed. Yamato caught his arms in his hands.

“That’s too tight, Kakashi.”

“I can still breathe,” Kakashi responded although his voice was tight. Yamato’s mouth turned down in a worried frown and he put his fingers to Kakashi’s throat and tried to insert them beneath the collar. It was a tight squeeze but he was able to fit two fingers between the leather and his lover’s tender skin. Kakashi looked at him triumphantly.

“Just know that as long as you’re wearing it that tight, I’ll be checking in on you a lot more often,” Yamato said reluctantly as he withdrew his fingers. Kakashi nodded his assent.

“I want the chain,” he said. “Between the clamps. I want you to pull on it when you’re fucking me.”

Yamato realised with dismay that he had gone soft again, his concern for Kakashi’s wellbeing overtaking his arousal. Kakashi saw his guilty expression and touched his cheek.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

Internally, Yamato shook himself, irritated.

_ You’re in or you’re out _ , he thought.  _ Call it off or commit to it. He deserves that much from you. _

“Yes,” he said firmly. “I’m fine. Stand up, please.”

They both rose to their feet. Yamato brought his hands together in the mokuton seal and the room rattled around them as a sturdy wooden frame rose from the bedroom floor, two supporting posts with a narrower crossbeam linking them at the top.

Kakashi went and stood in the centre of the structure without being asked.

“Arms above your head,” Yamato said. “Hold onto the beam.”

It gave him a low thrill to hear Yamato direct him like that. He hadn’t asked, he’d ordered. Tenzō’s brusque tone and degrading words may not have been there but Yamato’s confidence was shining through.

It was incredibly sexy.

Kakashi wasted no time in doing what he’d been told. His hands curled easily around the wood above him, arms not quite at full stretch. Yamato went to him and touched his arms lightly, studying the angle. He brought his hands together again and the structure rose a little higher off the ground. Kakashi’s arms rose with it and Yamato observed carefully as they were drawn straight, increasing the height of the wooden supports inch by inch until he had brought Kakashi up onto the balls of his feet, no longer able to stand flat on the floor and keep hold of the beam at the same time.

“Can I tie you like this?” he asked, taking Kakashi’s chin between finger and thumb and searching his eyes. “Will you be okay?”

Kakashi’s gaze was full of heat, a hunger kindled by Yamato knowing exactly how he wanted him and asking for it.

“Definitely,” he replied, stretching the word out in his mouth and letting it roll sensually off of his tongue.

Yamato fetched a length of rope and made short work of binding Kakashi’s hands with it, looping around his wrists and the beam until he was securely held in place. Then he retrieved the heavy chain and clipped it to the rings that held Kakashi’s nipples in their grip.

The weight of it alone was enough to increase Kakashi’s pain from a tickle to a sting he was unable to ignore and he bit his lip, hips jerking forward instinctively.

Yamato chuckled and tugged on his bound cock. “Needy. I could take this off and make you come right now?”

Kakashi shook his head quickly. “No. I need more.”

“Hm.” Yamato dropped to his knees and looked up at Kakashi. “And what about what I need?”

He sealed his hot mouth around the exposed, swollen head of Kakashi’s erection and Kakashi keened.

Gods, he was glad he’d decided to drop the Tenzō thing tonight. So, so glad.

It was difficult with the added bulk of the leather strap and metal rings, but Yamato managed to open his mouth wide enough to take most of Kakashi’s cock inside. He sucked languidly, pushing his tongue between the gaps in the restraint, getting Kakashi wet with his spit, bracing one hand on Kakashi’s thigh and fondling his trapped balls with the other.

His lover shuddered and tried to thrust forward, raised feet slipping on the floor.

“Yamato,” he breathed.

Yamato withdrew and rubbed his thumb over Kakashi’s slit, teasing a spill of precome out of him and making him whine with need.

“Could you come with this on you? Have you ever tried?”

“Please,” Kakashi panted, looking desperately down at him. His hair was wild around his head like a silver halo, matching the wild look in his eyes.

Yamato groaned as he realised that he was finally hard–fully, achingly–inside the confines of his clothes.

“What do you want, Kakashi?” he asked roughly.

“Whip me,” Kakashi answered with no hesitation. “Hurt me.”

Yamato got to his feet and walked around behind where Kakashi was restrained to the gear spread out on the bed. He selected a whip consisting of a cluster of thin leather cords, each about a foot and a half long and studded with tight knots all along their length. The handle was plastic wrapped with rough rope that Yamato knew from experience would wick away the sweat from his palm and enable him to keep a firm grip for as long as he needed to. He tested its weight and balance in his hand before walking slowly back to Kakashi.

Yamato held the whip up at eye level and drew the strands through his fingers. Kakashi licked his lips and watched him with dark eyes.

For a moment Yamato was lost, thrown back to the first time that Kakashi had pressed a paddle into his hand and laid over his lap expectantly and he hadn't had a clue how to proceed. That had been before most of their more serious conversations about limits and safe play, before Kakashi had offered up the idea of the Tenzō character and Yamato had seized it gratefully.

Without Tenzō who lived to make Kakashi squirm and who thrilled in his discomfort, without that cool indifference he was only Yamato, standing before the man that he loved with a torture device in his hand.

"Yamato?"

Kakashi had sensed his hesitation.

"Sorry, sorry," Yamato said in a rush, dragging his free hand through his hair. "It's just...headspace."

Kakashi continued to look steadily at him.

"Have I been very bad?" he asked quietly. "Do you have to punish me?"

Yamato was intensely thankful that his lover was able to read him so very well. He let out the breath he'd been unintentionally holding and fell back on familiar words that Tenzō had used many times.

"That's right. You've been a bad little whore, haven't you? Making me have to teach you a lesson like this."

He snapped the whip down at his side, letting its cords crack through the air. Kakashi parted his lips. A light blush had started to creep up his throat.

"I think you should start behind me," he said breathlessly. "Then, when I'm very, very red and sore, you can move to the front."

Yamato looked up at him helplessly.

"Okay," he croaked.

Behind the wooden structure, he ran the hard butt of the whip's handle up the back of Kakashi's thigh.

"You're going to count the strokes for me, alright? Count them off one by one."

Kakashi bowed his head. "Yes, sir."

Yamato swallowed and quickly palmed his still hard cock through his clothes.

"If you're very good for me, I might let you come on my cock. Would you like that, Kakashi?"

Kakashi nodded and wriggled in the restraints, muscle and bone shifting beneath the pale skin of his shoulders. Yamato trailed the whip up his arm and he shivered.

Then Yamato’s fingers tugged at the collar around his throat again. It pulled tighter and he swallowed against the leather and felt it move with his Adam’s apple.

“This isn’t too tight?” Yamato murmured by his ear.

“Not too tight,” Kakashi confirmed.

“Safe word?”

“Broccoli.”

"Okay. Get ready for the first one."

Yamato took a step back, eyeballing the distance between himself and the pale expanse of Kakashi's back, littered with long healed scars that had nothing to do with whips and chains.

At least, he didn’t think so.

Most of them had existed before he’d met Kakashi. The legendary shinobi that he’d been by the time Yamato joined the ANBU had rarely let anyone get close enough to cause such an injury.

Yamato brought his arm up and cracked the whip down hard. The strike landed across Kakashi's upper back and he hissed.

"One."

Yamato had long since learned not to bother starting off with softer, teasing lashes. That was never what Kakashi wanted. Impact play wasn't so much a game to him as it was a battle of resolve and endurance. It was something Yamato didn't think he'd ever be able to fully understand. He had learned, though, how to make each session good for his lover. That was enough.

Kakashi's body was starting to sing, his nerve endings flaring against the sensory assault. His arms ached in their unnatural position above his head and his hamstrings were stretched tight to keep his weight on his feet. His cock was being kept hard in its bindings and his balls felt heavy, aching. Then there was the exquisite pain in his nipples from the screws that held them tight and the added thrill of his slightly restricted breathing keeping him just a little light-headed, a little off balance.

When the second lash of the whip came Kakashi let out a low cry, suspended halfway between bliss and agony. The pain was a bright flare and his skin stung deliciously in its wake. It felt so good, he was so close to where he wanted to be that he almost forgot to count the stroke.

"Two."

"Good," Yamato murmured, teasing the whip over his neck and down his spine. "I'm going to get your beautiful skin all nice and red."

Yamato struck three times in quick succession and Kakashi yelped and jerked against the ropes that bound his hands. Sensation thrummed through his body and he moaned with it, dropping his head forward.

"How many, Kakashi?"

"Five," he choked out. "Mm. More."

"Don't worry," Yamato said and then he was there, hard cock nestled up against the cleft of Kakashi's bare ass and hot mouth at his neck.

"I'll give you everything you want," he murmured against Kakashi's skin. The hand holding the whip crept up to find his fingers tight on the wooden beam.

"Can you still feel your fingers?" Yamato asked, his concern painfully evident beneath the veil of his arousal and the illusion of Tenzō. His hand patted Kakashi's and the silver-haired shinobi forced himself into the present moment just enough to answer.

"Yes."

He wiggled his fingers to prove it and Yamato hummed his approval.

"Such a good little whore for me."

Kakashi whimpered and tried to grind back against his lover's erection. Yamato cruelly moved his hips away and replaced his bulge with the blunt handle of the whip, nudging it between Kakashi’s cheeks.

“I could fuck you with this,” he said lightly.

Hard plastic bumped against Kakashi’s entrance and rough rope scraped at his most intimate of places, burning the sensitive skin. He let out a cry and pulled on the wooden beam that he was tied to.

“Yamato,” he panted, desperately trying to find more friction that wouldn’t exist unless his partner chose to let him have it.

“Yes, Kakashi?” his lover asked innocently, slipping the handle of the whip lower. He pressed hard up against Kakashi’s perineum and pleasure flashed through him. His cock was dribbling precum between his legs now, so hard for so long that it was flushed a deep, angry red.

“Give me more,” Kakashi begged, babbling with need. “Whip me, hurt me...ah!” He broke off with a wordless cry as Yamato pressed again, fingertips splayed to cradle his heavy balls. His hot mouth settled against the nape of Kakashi’s neck.

“Can I make you come?” Yamato breathed and bit the curve of Kakashi’s neck. “Can I make you come right here, just like this?”

“Inside,” Kakashi gasped. “Need you inside me.”

He felt Yamato shudder against him and then fingers were pressing into his mouth, thick and warm and wonderful. Kakashi sucked on them greedily and Yamato ground against him again with a thick moan. Kakashi arched to get as close to his lover as possible, biting down on his fingers without even realising that he was doing it. Yamato withdrew from his mouth and Kakashi heaved in a breath. He tried to voice what he wanted but he was too strung out to complete a thought or a sentence.

“I need...I need…”

“It’s alright,” Yamato murmured against his neck. His hands found Kakashi’s hips as he allowed the whip to hit the floor with a dull clatter. Yamato pulled him back against the hard line of his cock, rubbing against him urgently as another moan fell from his lips. “I need you, too. Oh, Kakashi.”

“Yamato,” Kakashi whispered, feeling something twist in his chest with how good it felt to say his lover’s name, his true name, when they were together like this.

He knew that what he asked of Yamato on nights like this was a demanding role to fill and he understood perfectly his lover’s need to distance himself from the actions that, on one level, were totally foreign to his nature. He had even been the one to suggest the use of a persona, knowing that all of it was new to Yamato and wanting to make him as comfortable as possible.

If Yamato had honestly hated the experience, Kakashi would have dropped the matter. He had told Yamato, more than once, that he could live quite happily without BDSM play and he had meant it. Even on nights like this one where he craved relief from his stresses and strains, he could have gotten by without it. He would have poured himself a large drink and gone to bed grumpy and drunk, and when he woke up he would have been mostly fine.

He could cope without acting out his submissive fantasies, but it was nice to have them, if he could, with a willing partner. Yamato was certainly willing, even if he still wasn’t fully accepting of that truth.

But Kakashi had heard the rough edge of arousal in his voice when he teased Kakashi to the point of begging. He’d seen the flush on Yamato’s cheeks when Kakashi was writhing on his lap, taking Yamato’s firm spanks to his bare ass.

Yamato had pulled on Kakashi’s hair hard enough to make his eyes water as he’d fucked his mouth and come down his throat.

He liked dominating Kakashi as much as Kakashi liked him to do it.

They always talked afterwards, at least briefly, as part of their aftercare for each other, and Kakashi felt that his lover was gradually learning to accept this side of himself and not see it as so much of a dark, shameful thing anymore. And so, as much as Kakashi truly did understand why Yamato would need to act as somebody else in particularly extreme scenes, one of his fondest hopes was that one day, his lover would be completely comfortable dominating Kakashi in his own skin, as Yamato, the man that Kakashi loved.

When Kakashi sobbed and came apart from the pleasure or the pain or both, it was Yamato who pieced him back together. When he drifted out of himself in the afterglow, he trusted Yamato to keep him safe.

“Yamato,” he murmured again, just to hear himself say it.

“Kakashi,” Yamato breathed against the shell of his ear. He palmed Kakashi’s aching cock with one hand while the other groped his chest, teasing his trapped nipples. Kakashi bit his lip, trembling, unable to move into the touches with his feet just barely against the floor.

“If I give you my fingers, I won’t be able to do all of this,” Yamato panted, half laughing into Kakashi’s neck. “I only have two hands.”

“Don’t…” Kakashi managed, pushing his words out between heaving breaths. “Don’t...ah! Don’t want to come yet. The whip. Please.”

Yamato twisted his hand over Kakashi's slick cockhead and his trembling turned to shaking. Then his lover was moving away, retrieving the whip.

“How many did we get to? Five?”

“Five,” Kakashi agreed, letting his weight hang from his wrists.

“And how many do you want?”

“Twenty,” Kakashi whispered.

The first three came quickly again against his back and he tipped his head back with a deep groan.

“Eight.”

Yamato whipped him twice on each buttock and the first hot tear spilled down his cheek. The sensory input was on the edge of overwhelming in the best possible way and his mind was starting to feel fuzzy. His thoughts were becoming a thick, undefined stew.

“Kakashi?”

“Twelve,” he slurred. “Don’t stop.”

Yamato whipped his ass again and Kakashi stopped keeping track of the strokes. His tears flowed steadily and muscles twitched in his arms, legs, buttocks. His cock throbbed. His nipples had gone almost numb.

It was bliss.

Yamato came in close and dropped the whip again to knead his burning cheeks in both hands. Kakashi was breathing in huge, watery gulps. He whined softly in his throat when Yamato touched him and Yamato recognised the signs that he was slipping into the subspace he craved.

He wanted to make Kakashi come when he was like this, but he had to do it safely.

Yamato touched the wooden frame and it sank a few inches lower. Kakashi’s full weight settled onto the floor but he couldn’t stay on his feet; they slipped awkwardly out from under him and he gasped as the ropes around his wrists caught his fall with a hard jolt. Yamato grabbed Kakashi’s waist and hauled him back upright, guiding him to plant his feet firmly on the floor. His arms were bent at the elbow now, hanging slack.

“Stay with me, Kakashi,” Yamato murmured, and tested the collar at Kakashi’s throat again. He could still fit his fingers beneath it and he could hear Kakashi’s breathing, laboured but rhythmic.

Yamato sank to his knees as he returned to groping his lover’s reddening ass, the skin hot to the touch. He parted the cheeks with his thumbs and started to lick Kakashi open. Kakashi didn’t consciously respond beyond a twitch and a sigh but Yamato was undeterred. He lathered Kakashi’s entrance with his tongue, getting him as wet as he could, then he got to his feet again and curled his arms around Kakashi’s body. He pushed two fingers into Kakashi’s slack mouth again.

“Safe word?”

“Broc...broc’li,” Kakashi managed, his voice thick and muffled by Yamato’s fingers. He seemed to only then become aware of their invasion and started to suckle on them softly with a pleased noise. Yamato thrust his fingers in and out a few times, kissing the curve of Kakashi’s neck as he did.

His own erection had wilted again but he didn’t care. Kakashi was his focus. He could come later, if at all.

Yamato pressed his wet fingers to Kakashi’s hole and breached him with them both. Kakashi let out a soft cry and spread his legs further apart, bowing his head. Yamato slid into him slowly, the spit not providing quite enough lubrication to make it a smooth entrance but he didn’t need to go all the way inside and he knew that Kakashi would only appreciate the extra friction. That soft cry came again and again and Kakashi tried to push back onto his fingers.

“Yams,” he slurred. “Yamato.”

“I’ve got you,” Yamato murmured, moving in close to his lover. He crooked his fingers and searched inside Kakashi until he found his prostate and then pressed hard against it. Kakashi’s whole body shook and he tipped his head back onto Yamato’s shoulder.

“Please,” he whispered glassily. “Please.”

Yamato slid his free hand over Kakashi’s toned stomach and upwards until he found the chain that hung between his nipples. He tugged on it lightly and Kakashi writhed between his two hands, nuzzing hard against the side of his face, his wet, open mouth catching on Yamato’s jaw.

Yamato looped the chain around two fingers and pulled harder, rubbed faster over Kakashi’s prostate until he was keening, tears and saliva running onto Yamato’s shoulder where his head rested.

Part of Yamato was horrified by this Kakashi, so far beyond his normal self, so out of it that it was like he’d been drugged. This Kakashi who didn’t, couldn’t possibly remember their safeword, maybe not even what a safeword was. That part of Yamato felt sick to his stomach that he had pushed Kakashi into this state and was continuing to push him further. That part wanted nothing more than to stop now, to shout Kakashi back to alertness, to untie him and clean him up and be gentle.

But another part of him, smaller but just as powerful, thought that this Kakashi was wonderful.

Yamato dropped the chain between Kakashi’s nipples to roughly stroke his weeping cock and Kakashi’s cry was pure desperation. He was dripping against Yamato’s hand, throbbing when Yamato’s fingers twisted just right inside him.

Inside his head Kakashi was floating, finally free. The whole of his awareness had narrowed to just his body, his hyper-awareness of each and every spark of pain or pleasure that his lover’s hands were wringing out of him. His world was their bedroom, his God was Yamato, his only care, hope, dream was to come. Every fractured breath, every sob was a prayer for it.

“You’re so close, aren’t you?” Yamato breathed, chin over Kakashi’s shoulder to gaze down the line of his naked pale torso to where he was teasing his thumb through Kakashi’s slick, circling his cockhead, letting his fingers catch in the metal rings that caged his shaft.

Kakashi’s eyes were open but he wasn’t seeing. Everything in him was pushing, arching, reaching.

Yamato let go of his cock and yanked on the nipple chain.

Kakashi shook.

Kakashi wailed.

And Kakashi came.

Yamato teased him through it with two fingers rocking inside him and two toying with the chain, watching his lover’s bound cock spraying magnificently. Cum streaked over Kakashi’s abs and splattered the floor with a sound like rainfall. Yamato instantly hardened again as he brought his lover to that intense release and he hoped, greedily, that Kakashi wouldn’t be too far out of it to suck him off once he’d untied him. As he finally stopped coming and slumped forward, Yamato moved to do exactly that.

Kakashi had been balanced on a knife edge, the rational, complete man that he normally was on one side and the animal that he existed as in this scene on the other. When he came, the balance tipped hard.

He lost himself to the huge, enveloping pleasure of his orgasm. Pain flashed bright on the surface, giving way to an abyss of relief that he tumbled into, legs shaking, chest seizing, cock pulsing.

For a moment longer he was aware of his lover’s hands holding him steady between them, driving him out of his mind and holding him together both, and as he spent he found voice enough to croak, “Yamato.”

Then Kakashi blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the trigger warnings at the end of Chapter 3 and let me know if you think I've missed any.

Yamato eased his fingers out of his lover and tapped him on the flank.

“You okay?”

He got no answer, not even a wordless sound.

Suddenly Kakashi’s feet skidded out from beneath him as his whole body went limp. His bound wrists caught his deadweight with an awful jolt and Yamato’s arms shot out reflexively to support his unresponsive body.

“Kakashi? Hey, Kakashi.”

Kakashi’s head tipped back on his horrifyingly loose neck and the panic caught hold of Yamato like the flame of a struck match.

For a long moment it was all that he could do to breathe but finally, mercifully, his extensive training as a shinobi kicked in.

_Prioritise. Breathing?_

Kakashi’s chest was rising and falling against Yamato’s arms. He slipped a hand up to his face and felt the puffs of breath, shallow but rhythmic, steady, there.

_Good. What else?_

His fingers caught on the leather collar and he closed his eyes against a wave of nausea.

_It was too tight. I never should have let him–_

There wasn’t time to berate himself. He had to be smart, he had to make Kakashi safe.

_The frame, the fucking frame, genius. Untied him, get him into the recovery position. Ensure airways are clear. This is basic, basic first aid. Get it together._

In the field he had dealt with injuries and trauma scores worse than what seemed to be a fainting spell, but he wasn’t in the field now and he didn’t have a blank white mask to hide his humanity behind and this wasn’t just another soldier, it was _Kakashi_.

With one arm tight around his lover’s chest, Yamato dissipated his wooden frame. As it withdrew back into the floorboards the rope circling Kakashi’s wrists fell away and his arms dropped to hang heavily. Yamato took his lover’s full weight and eased him down to the floor, sinking with him until Kakashi’s head rested on his thighs as he knelt.

Seeing him made it all worse. Suddenly it didn’t matter that Kakashi was alive and breathing. It didn’t matter that he was almost certainly fine because he didn’t _look_ fine, and Yamato was looking.

And there was blood.

Not much, thank God not much, but it was there.

Blood on Kakashi’s lower lip where he must have bitten in the throes of his pleasure, blood on his nipples from the cruel, bare metal of the screws that encircled them.

Kakashi’s eyes weren’t quite closed all the way and Yamato caught a glimpse of rapid movement in the slit between his lashes.

“Hey,” he tried again, speaking loudly. “Kakashi! Answer me!”

Silence.

Yamato tried to unfasten the collar around his lover’s throat ( _quickly, quickly_ ) and bit back a scream of frustration as his fingers fumbled over the buckle. He finally got it open and pulled the collar carelessly away to get his fingers against Kakashi’s neck.

His pulse was strong and steady, his skin warm to the touch.

Yamato kept his emotions in check for long enough to scoop Kakashi up and lay him on the bed. He tilted Kakashi’s chin back to keep his airway open. That done, he sat back to assess and was faced with the full visual impact of Kakashi’s naked body after what they’d done together.

Drying cum, drying blood, metal restraints and old scars met Yamato’s eyes and for a second his vision doubled and he saw Kakashi as he might have looked laid out in a morgue, just as pale and still. His throat clamped tight and he slumped helplessly forward, fists hitting the mattress as he bowed over his lover.

_I could have killed him. He trusted me and I almost killed him._

His mind catapulted him back to the aftermath of the war, walking among the scores of Konoha dead killed by an enemy that he had fueled and fed. Unwillingly or not, it didn’t matter. He had been responsible for that carnage just as he was responsible for this.

Yamato laid a shaking hand over the centre of the X-shaped scar on Kakashi’s chest as a sob tore its way out of him.

_Fall apart on your own time, soldier; you’re not done here._

He got the cage easily off of Kakashi’s soft cock and tossed it to one side, then started to tease loose the screws that surrounded his abused nipples. He could see the puncture points where the metal edges had been a little too rough and a little too tight against such tender skin.

He’d yanked on the chain from behind Kakashi. He hadn’t been able to see it. Dangerous and stupid.

He’d been so intent on making Kakashi come that thoughts of safety had fled from his mind. He hadn’t noticed the blood.

And hadn’t he felt Kakashi stumble as though no longer able to keep himself upright? Hadn’t that been his first warning that he was pushing Kakashi further than he ever had before? 

He had heard Kakashi slur their safeword, heard and seen the evidence that he was drifting out of reality, but he’d kept going anyway.

_How could you be so reckless? You know how much harm you can do. He could have ended up dead just like the others and it would have been your fault, your fault, your–_

Yamato was breathing heavily as he finally got the clamps off of Kakashi, letting circulation return to his swollen nipples.

He put Kakashi’s ragdoll-limp hand to his cheek, raised one of his knees and rolled him carefully onto his side.

Then he slid off of the bed to the floor and the terror took him.

***

Kakashi was very dimly aware of being gently lowered from standing to lying but it was a far distant sensation. He glimpsed Yamato’s face like a lighthouse through thick fog but he couldn’t find his own voice to speak out and reassure him that he was okay.

Not much made sense out in that fog but it didn't seem to matter to him.

Kakashi felt good.

Calm.

Safe.

His whole body was tingling pleasantly and he let himself drift, confident that his lover would take care of him while his mind took a short vacation.

Pain eventually brought him back, minor aches in overtaxed muscles and the warmth of skin rubbed or whipped red. He moaned softly and dragged a heavy arm over the bed to rub at his sore wrists.

He couldn’t remember getting onto the bed.

Was he in the recovery position?

His nipples started to make themselves known to him, slowly waking up with the influx of blood to the area. At first it was slightly unpleasant, a mild case of pins and needles, but as seconds ticked past the sensations ticked upwards until his whole chest felt like it was throbbing, hot and sharp.

Kakashi whined low in his throat and shifted onto his back, heels digging restlessly at the mattress. He pressed his hands to his nipples which brought him some relief, enough for him to realise that his cock was slowly coming to life again against his thigh. Memory started to come back, too. Gods, but he must have come very hard. He felt almost the same way that he did three or four days after serious chakra exhaustion, leaden and pleasantly muddled.

He remembered Yamato’s voice in his ear, his fingers inside him, his wrists lashed to the frame. Kakashi smiled, arched, wriggled against the oversensitivity.

And where exactly was Yamato, anyway, when he could be making Kakashi come again?

Had Yamato even gotten himself off? He certainly deserved an orgasm of his own after _that_.

Kakashi tried to speak and found his throat dry and painful. He swallowed thickly and blinked his eyes open.

“Yamato?”

When he got no reply he reached out with his chakra sense and found Yamato’s presence comfortingly close.

_Not on the bed with me, though. Then where?_

Moving carefully in full awareness of his own delicacy in that moment, Kakashi rolled again and peered over the edge of the bed.

His boyfriend was folded on the floor, face down and breathing much too fast.

Kakashi’s eyes widened and he was by Yamato’s side in a heartbeat, his own dizziness be damned.

“Yamato! Hey, look at me!”

Yamato was hyperventilating.

Why? What had happened?

Kakashi wrapped his arms tight around Yamato’s heaving back, curving his body over his and trying to think.

A panic attack. This was a panic attack.

“Tenzō!” Kakashi barked in his most authoritative voice.

Beneath him, his boyfriend jerked. His spine straightened.

Kakashi sat back on his heels. “Full status report,” he said. “Delta protocol.”

It was old ANBU code, a way of checking in after particularly strenuous missions, designed to help the soldiers to push their emotional responses aside and relay basic information. Kakashi knew from experience that the conditioning ran deep. He just hoped that it would still work after all these years. 

Yamato rose to his knees slowly.

“Uninjured,” he said in a disturbingly hollow voice. “Uncompromised.”

Kakashi dared to put his hands on his boyfriend’s clothed shoulders and Yamato took a sudden deep breath as though waking from a dream of drowning.

“I’m here,” Kakashi said quickly. “Yamato, I’m here.”

Yamato turned around fast and stared at him with wide eyes. Kakashi could see the drying tracks of tears staining his cheeks.

“Kakashi?” Yamato whispered, then Kakashi was in his arms being squeezed tight enough to bruise.

“I’m sorry,” Yamato said, voice breaking again over fresh tears. “I’m so sorry, Kakashi.”

“For what? Yams…” Kakashi stroked his lover’s broad back. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“You…you were...” Yamato tried to explain but broke off with a shuddering breath. He dragged his fingers through Kakashi’s hair, over his back.

And suddenly, Kakashi understood.

The fogginess, the lack of memory.

He’d gone so deep into subspace that he’d barely been conscious.

From Yamato’s perspective, he’d simply passed out. While still tied up.

“I’m okay,” Kakashi murmured, feeling sick at himself. The pangs of his pain and ripples of his pleasure were forgotten, discarded in the face of his realisation.

He’d done this to Yamato.

He had.

"My fault," Yamato was muttering against Kakashi's shoulder. "My fault, my fault."

And Gods, it _hurt_.

"Shh," Kakashi soothed, swaying gently with Yamato clinging to him like he might vanish into thin air if there was even an inch of space between them. "It's okay. I'm okay."

Yamato pulled back to look at him and faster than Kakashi could flinch, all of the miserable guilt on his face transformed into anger.

"I thought you'd _died_ ," Yamato hissed, shaking Kakashi by the shoulders. "Can you imagine how that felt? _I thought I'd killed you._ "

All of Kakashi’s breath left him in a punch. Yamato's eyes were burning coals that demanded an explanation. Kakashi tried for light-hearted, aiming to minimise.

"Come on, Yams. It wasn't that bad."

It was the wrong thing to say.

Yamato glared at him with a depth of rage that Kakashi hadn't even known his lover was capable of. He got to his feet slowly.

"Clean yourself up," he snarled. "I'm going out."

"Wait!" Kakashi scrambled to stand and follow. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Let's talk about it."

Yamato turned as if to scream something at him but when his eyes met Kakashi's, his expression collapsed into tired resignation.

"I thought we already had, Kakashi. I thought the point of all of those conversations was to make sure that nothing like this would ever happen."

Kakashi didn’t have an answer ready to counter that. Met with his silence, Yamato turned away again.

“Please don’t follow me,” he said quietly as he left Kakashi alone in the bedroom, naked and messy and marked.

***

Coming down alone was hard.

Kakashi had never really suffered from sub drop before. He’d always known that it was theoretically possible, he’d done his research before ever allowing anyone to lay a hand on him, but he’d been lucky to never experience it himself.

Luck, perhaps, wasn’t the word for it. He’d known himself well and he’d been careful.

A huge part of Kakashi’s aftercare needs had always been taking care of his dom. Even with the one-nighters, as soon as everyone had come he’d been the first to leap up and fetch water, towels or whatever else was needed.

Taking care of somebody else after being taken apart was his way of reclaiming power and control. In all areas of his life aside from the bedroom he’d always been a control freak. He’d made a good leader more because he was a lousy subordinate, liable to butt heads with the top brass on a daily basis. ‘Loudmouth Hatake’ he’d been known as in his chunin days (or other more colourful variations of that theme), a reputation he’d only been able to shed by cultivating a far more formidable one to overshadow it. In the bedroom, then, once a scene was over he was always eager to step into the caretaker role. Being coddled had never been part of his submissive desires. He wanted to be pushed, hurt, bullied and broken, not babied. He’d never needed any help putting himself back together.

Yamato was normally the ideal partner for that. As much as Kakashi hated to see his lover’s mood turn sour in the afterglow, he was grateful that he could be supportive and useful in those times. Almost always the big spoon in post-coital cuddling sessions, often the more lucid given Yamato’s penchant for holding off his own orgasms for as long as he possibly could, Kakashi was happy to take the reins and met with no resistance from his partner.

Before Yamato, Kakashi had always been the first to leave. He’d never invited one night stands back to his place for that very reason. This was the first time he’d been walked out on after sex, and it had been sex with somebody who he loved very deeply.

This was vulnerability, he supposed, curling in on himself to cover as much of his naked skin as he could.

It was unpleasant.

After two minutes, Kakashi felt restless. He had accepted that Yamato wasn’t coming back. He went into the bathroom to clean up, hoping that doing something practical would erase the discomfort that was like a crawling thing under his skin.

He couldn’t face a shower, though, not alone. He chose to wipe himself with a washcloth. The cabinet mirror threw his reflection back at him and in the harsh lighting his eyes were drawn to all of the things he liked the least about his appearance.

His skin was far too pale; he’d always preferred Yamato’s warmer shade. Against his white chest the sight of his puffy red nipples made him wince, which in turn drew his focus to his mouth. He had always thought his lips were too thin and the mole was just unsightly. His arms were too slight; Yamato’s build was more solid all over.

Kakashi turned away, scrubbing roughly at the dried cum on his stomach and the blood on his chest. He’d never liked mirrors all that much. Far more pleasant to look into Yamato’s warm smiling eyes after sex than to have to look at himself.

He was lonely, he realised with a twist in his gut.

But maybe he deserved it.

He dressed carelessly in sweats and the top he’d worn home from the office and looked around the bedroom, at a loss. What was there to do, now? Eat, perhaps? Sleep?

There was no real reason that either of those things should have held so little appeal. There was plenty of tasty food in the fridge, including one of Sakura’s excellent stews that she’d given him as a thank you for approving more funding for the hospital in Konoha’s latest budget. As for sleep, that would be fine, too. His body, at least, was more than ready for it.

But without Yamato, everything felt hollow.

It scared Kakashi a little to realise it and he tried to tell himself that it was just a post-ejaculatory comedown, which it very well could have been. Yamato was always there for him after he came, always. He simply didn’t know what to do with himself without his lover to curl around, talk to, tease and kiss.

Somewhere along the way, the man had domesticated him. Hatake Kakashi was now rather fond of quiet nights in, of giving and receiving back rubs (that, more often than not, _didn’t_ lead to sex), of holding hands on the sofa and falling asleep in somebody’s arms.

He’d never really taken stock of how much he’d changed, or wondered how much was simply age and how much was Yamato.

And all this thinking now wasn’t good for anything. Had he always used to think this much, before he’d had Yamato’s smile and hands to distract him?

Kakashi hissed through his teeth and left the bedroom. In search of what, he didn’t know.

When he found Yamato on the sofa with his knees drawn up to his chest, though, it became clearer.

His partner looked at him with dull eyes.

“I didn’t want to leave in case something else happened,” he said. “In case you needed me.”

Kakashi’s heart beat double time for a moment.

“I always need you,” he said. “Have I ever told you that?”

Yamato rubbed his eyes, scrubbed the same hand through his hair.

“That wasn’t okay,” he said. “What happened tonight. It wasn’t safe.”

“No,” Kakashi agreed. He sat cautiously down at the other end of the couch.

“There’s not really any point in throwing blame around,” Yamato said.

Kakashi shrugged. “If you change your mind about that, I’ll take it on. I should have known better.”

Yamato dropped his forehead to his knee. “I’m the one who did it all, though. And sometimes...sometimes I resent you for it.”

“For wanting those things?”

“Yeah.” Yamato raised his head to look straight ahead. An unhappy frown marred his features. “I only ever started for you,” he said. “I go to those places for you. It’s not what I would have wanted. I never would have asked for anything like what you’ve asked me for.”

“That isn’t fair,” Kakashi said. “If I ever thought you really weren’t comfortable, I’d stop the scene. I’ve always told you the safe words are there for both of us.”

Yamato shrugged, still staring moodily forward.

“No,” Kakashi said with a flare of anger. “Don’t do that. We agreed to everything.”

“But it’s what you want,” Yamato said.

Kakashi pulled his legs up onto the sofa and shuffled closer.

“You don’t get to say that,” he said. “Not when you get off on pushing me around. Not when I’ve made you come harder than anyone else has when I’ve subbed for you.”

Yamato laughed wildly and glanced at Kakashi. “What about all the times I couldn’t even get it up, though? Like tonight, for example?”

“If you weren’t in the right mindset to play tonight, you should have said,” Kakashi returned icily. “I’ve never forced you.”

Yamato’s mouth twisted unhappily. “I know. I know that.”

Kakashi laid a tentative hand on his lover’s arm. “If we’re going to talk about this, it shouldn’t be while we’re still wound up like this. I don’t want to say anything I can’t take back.”

“It was just...so awful,” Yamato said. “You collapsed. If you hadn’t been tied to the frame you would have been on the floor before I could catch you. It was like that time in Kiri when you took the poison dart to the leg and you just fell. Do you remember?”

“I still have the scar,” Kakashi said. “I felt horrible about it then, too. You looked terrified.”

“I thought that was it. I was trying to decide who to ask to burn your body because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to.”

Kakashi let his hand slide down to Yamato’s elbow and then drop away. He turned to face forward.

“Sometimes I forget,” he said.

“Forget about what?” Yamato tilted his head, cheek against his knees, to watch Kakashi.

“About the trauma. How we all have it and we all cope differently.”

“This pain thing,” Yamato started. “Is that how you cope with yours?”

Kakashi shook his head. “BDSM has nothing to do with my fucked up past. It’s just...something I like. It takes me out of my own head.”

Yamato’s lip curled. “Nothing to do with trauma, huh?”

“It never stopped the nightmares,” Kakashi pointed out. “And I play more often with you than I ever did before, even though I’m happier and more stable now than I’ve ever been.”

“I’m sorry if I’m not…” Yamato broke off to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry I’m not who you need me to be. I’m sorry it affects me like this.”

Kakashi’s heart squeezed in his chest.

“Please don’t apologise for that,” he said.

“I wish we didn’t have to be sorry about anything,” Yamato said quietly, still looking at Kakashi with huge, solemn eyes. “Not when it’s sex. Not like this.”

Guilt licked at Kakashi’s skin and he squirmed against it. “Okay, I asked too much tonight. You’ve made your point.”

“I’m not trying to punish you,” Yamato said.

“Aren’t you?” Anger spiked in Kakashi. “So when I woke up naked and fucked out just now and had to coax you out of a panic attack and then you walked out and left me there, that was what? Supposed to make me feel good?”

Yamato straightened up. “Was that really bad?”

Kakashi shrugged, looking down at his folded hands. “It wasn’t fun.”

“I didn’t…” Yamato searched for his words. “I needed space, and...I didn’t think that me not being there would bother you.”

“I didn’t either,” Kakashi said. He glanced at Yamato and saw the placid concern on his face, then sighed and laid his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Yamato planted a kiss in his wild silver hair.

“I guess I’ve never acted like I needed you after sex because I’ve never had to,” Kakashi said. “You’ve always been there. I never knew how shitty it would feel without you.”

“I didn’t go far,” Yamato said into Kakashi’s hair. “I sort of wanted to but at the same time, I couldn’t.”

Kakashi batted at his lover’s raised knees. “Down,” he said. When Yamato dropped his feet to the floor, Kakashi climbed into his lap and settled against his chest. Yamato wrapped his arms around Kakashi and held him gratefully.

“We’re okay, aren’t we?” he asked.

“Yes, we are,” Kakashi said, pulling away to smile up at him. “Does this even count as a fight? We never raised our voices.”

Yamato smiled back. “All of that Hokage business has made you very diplomatic, senpai.”

Kakashi smiled harder and brushed a thumb over Yamato’s lower lip. “Still senpai, huh, Tenzō?”

His lover winced. “Not that name anymore, please.”

“I think we should retire it,” Kakashi murmured, lightly tracing the lines of Yamato’s face. “No more Tenzō. Not like that.”

“But…”

Kakashi leaned back with his arms around Yamato’s neck. “I’m not saying no more play. But I think we need to bring the limits in, don’t we? So tonight doesn’t get repeated.”

Yamato looked suddenly, unbearably sad. “I don’t want to take away something you like,” he said. “I always tried to do what you wanted.”

“I know,” Kakashi said gently. “That’s the problem.”

He leaned in and touched his lips to the other man’s and kissed him carefully, the barest press of his mouth. Yamato sighed and tipped his head back.

“I think we’ve found enough that we both enjoy in bed by now, don’t you?” Kakashi said. “I don’t need you to do anything for me that you’re not into.”

Yamato’s hands swept up his back, beneath his loose shirt. “Are you sure?”

Kakashi nodded, then smirked. “Remember that time you edged me for so long that I came just from your tongue in my ass?”

Yamato’s slow grin lit up his face, his lips parting to show his teeth. “Which time? I did that more than once.”

“What about when you fucked me in your full ANBU uniform?” Kakashi asked with a roll of his hips. “Weapons pouches and all.”

Yamato’s eyes darkened. “I liked that one.”

“Oh yeah?” Kakashi drew his nails lightly down Yamato’s chest, letting them catch in the fabric of his shirt. “Tell me what else you like.”

“I like tying you up,” Yamato confessed. “That time with my mokuton–”

“Oh, that was _fun_ ,” Kakashi agreed and leaned forward to bring his mouth to his lover’s ear. “I love it when you fuck my mouth,” he murmured and Yamato’s hands slid down to cup his ass. “Do you like it, too?”

“Very much,” Yamato said, voice low with desire. He ground slowly up against Kakashi so his lover could feel his emerging erection. “When I’m standing and you’re on your knees. You look so good.”

“What else, Yams?” Kakashi asked, undulating in his lap. “Tell me.”

“I like teasing you,” Yamato said as his hands crept beneath the waistband of Kakashi’s pants. “I like making you beg for my cock. Making you come while I’m inside you and then not stopping. Getting you all sloppy and fucked out like that.”

“We don’t need anything else,” Kakashi whispered into his ear. “We’re already that good together. No one else has ever been better, Yams.”

“Me too,” Yamato half-groaned as he encouraged Kakashi to kiss down the line of his throat. “You’re the best I’ve ever had.”

Kakashi sucked a bruise onto his lover’s collarbone then sat back again. His cheeks were slightly flushed and he smoothed his hands over Yamato’s chest. Yamato licked his lips, waiting for Kakashi’s next move.

“No more pain,” Kakashi said with profound sincerity. “No blood. No more red scenes. No more Tenzō.”

Yamato gazed up at him with reverence. “You mean that?”

Kakashi nodded. “I don’t need it. You give me so much without all of that.”

“It’s...enough?”

Kakashi gave him a pointed look. “You do remember all those times I came on your tongue, don’t you? Did I _seem_ like I was unsatisfied?”

Yamato laughed softly and ground up against Kakashi again. “Okay, I believe you.”

Kakashi kissed him and let Yamato deepen it until he was moaning around Kakashi’s tongue. Kakashi broke away breathlessly and Yamato’s mouth immediately attached to his neck.

“You haven’t come yet,” Kakashi said.

“I haven’t come yet,” Yamato affirmed, sliding a hot wet tongue over his skin.

“We should definitely fix that.”

Yamato rose fluidly to his feet, easily lifting Kakashi with his hands beneath his thighs.

“Bedroom,” he said and Kakashi grinned down at him.

“Take me there.”


	3. Chapter 3

In the bedroom, they remembered all of the toys still laid out on the bed. Kakashi’s eyes slid away guiltily.

“Maybe I was just a little too eager,” he said.

Yamato let him down gently and held him by his slim hips.

“Are you really sure you want to get rid of all of that?”

“Well, we can probably keep _some_ of it,” Kakashi said, untangling himself from his lover to saunter over to the bed. “This vibrating cock ring, for example. And even you’ve worn these nipple clamps.”

“It wasn’t really my thing,” Yamato said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I have to admit, you look good in them.”

“We can go through the whole closet together,” Kakashi said, the nipple clamps dangling by their chain from one finger. “Decide what both of us do and don’t like. As long as you promise to be honest about it and don’t just say what you think I want you to.”

Yamato nodded. “I will. But...maybe let’s leave it until tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Kakashi dropped the clamps and walked back over to his lover. He dipped to slink sensuously up Yamato’s body. “Do you have other plans right now?”

Yamato slotted their mouths together and pushed his tongue deep to taste every bit of Kakashi. As they kissed Kakashi unfastened Yamato’s pants and pushed them off of his hips. He cupped Yamato’s erection through his briefs and pulled back to grin at him.

“All of this for me. I’m flattered.”

Yamato tilted his chin to look down at him from beneath his dark lashes. “What are you going to do with it?”

“What do you want?” Kakashi asked, already sinking to his knees. He mouthed at the tented fabric of his lover’s underwear and Yamato hummed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sure you have some ideas,” he said, slightly breathless.

Kakashi didn’t waste any more time and tugged Yamato’s underwear down to expose his erection. His mouth watered at the sight and he bent to lick from the base to the tip.

“Kakashi…” Yamato just had time to say before Kakashi’s mouth was around him and he lost his thoughts on a low groan of pleasure. In one gliding motion Kakashi took his cock all the way into his throat and his hips jerked.

“Oh,” he gasped. “Oh, yes.”

Kakashi sucked him hard for a few long strokes then eased off to tease the head with his tongue. Yamato petted his hair restlessly and when Kakashi stopped completely he huffed his displeasure.

Kakashi looked up at him as he ran his thumb up the spit-slick underside of Yamato’s cock.

“Do you want to come in my mouth?”

Yamato immediately shook his head. “Can I be inside you?”

Kakashi smiled. “You don’t even have to ask. But you can have a little more of this, first.”

He took Yamato’s cock slower this time, swirling his tongue and slipping all the way off on every upstroke to kiss and lick around the head. The taste and smell of his lover filled him up and the lingering pain in his nipples and at his chafed wrists added more sensation until the world narrowed to only his physical self and the deep, abiding love in his heart. Yamato breathed his name and stroked his hair and Kakashi swallowed around his length, swallowed against the fierce surge of emotion that swelled in his chest and up his throat, making it harder to breathe.

Kakashi pushed Yamato's trousers and underwear all the way down to the floor while above him Yamato stripped out of his own shirt. Kakashi stood and rubbed against his lover’s naked body.

“I want you,” he said, taking Yamato’s wet cock in his hand. Yamato’s lips parted on a gasp and he nodded.

“How...where…”

“On the bed,” Kakashi said, voice strained with lust and love in equal measure. “Now. Right now.”

“Yeah,” Yamato breathed and they both broke for the bed. It was still littered with unused toys and Kakashi impatiently tugged the entire top blanket to the ground, spilling cock rings and paddles and handcuffs noisily. Yamato laughed and jumped onto the bed, bouncing on the mattress.

“Find the lube,” he said, eyes alight now with a joy that warmed Kakashi to his very soul. “We’ll still need that one.”

Lube in hand, Kakashi joined his lover on the bed. Yamato pulled him close and kissed him again with heat, sliding his hands up under his shirt. His palms dragged over Kakashi’s abused nipples and he let out a muffled cry into Yamato’s mouth, arching into the touch. Yamato pulled away to strip him completely. When he saw the lingering redness on his chest and wrists, he paused.

Kakashi cupped the back of his lover's head and brought their foreheads together.

“This is the last time you’ll have to see me like this. I promise.”

“It’s not _bad_ ,” Yamato said.

“It’s okay,” Kakashi said. “I’m okay.”

Yamato cradled Kakashi’s jaw then slid the hand down over his chest, deliberately brushing the nipple in his path. When Kakashi made a soft noise in his throat he repeated the action.

“Does it feel good?”

“Yeah,” Kakashi breathed, reaching down to jerk Yamato’s cock. Yamato claimed his mouth in a soft kiss that got sloppier the more they turned each other on with their touches. Yamato rolled onto his back and brought Kakashi with him, squeezing the firm globes of his lover’s ass.

“Don’t bother stretching me,” Kakashi said against his chest. “Just take me.”

Yamato pulled back to give him a stern look even as he rubbed his stiff length against the hollow of Kakashi’s hip.

“Kakashi,” he warned and Kakashi rolled his eyes then smiled.

“You’re right, you’re right. But go fast, please.”

“Move up a little.” Yamato tapped his behind. “I want you just like this, okay?”

“Okay.”

Kakashi’s fingers closed around the lube and he passed it to Yamato who generously coated his fingers before bringing them to Kakashi’s entrance.

“Relax for me, sweetheart,” he said as he started to ease inside.

Kakashi settled with one leg slung over Yamato's broad frame, his cock pressing against his firm abdomen. To his delight Yamato gave him two fingers immediately, pressing them in slowly but surely until they were as deep as he could get them. Kakashi hummed with satisfaction. The sudden stretch hurt a little but it was a familiar burn, nothing compared to the pain of his still throbbing nipples and the lash marks he could feel on his back.

The angle was a little awkward but Kakashi was loathe to reposition himself. Yamato’s body was warm between his thighs and there was an ease and comfort to the shallow rocking of his curled fingers inside him. Yamato kissed gently along his bicep.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, nuzzling into his soft hair. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Yamato stretched him carefully, his fingers not deep enough to get to his prostate. He stroked Kakashi’s thigh with his free hand and kept up the litany of soft kisses until Kakashi was breathing hard, squirming against him.

“Need you,” he ground out as Yamato thrust his fingers lazily. “Come on, Yams.”

“I’ve got you, Kakashi,” Yamato breathed, rolling them again to lie Kakashi on his back. He sat back and slipped his fingers out. Kakashi watched him slick his cock with heavy eyes and parted lips. When Yamato settled over him he curled a leg around his hip.

Yamato guided his cock into position with one hand until it was nudging at Kakashi’s entrance.

“I might not last long,” he said through a self-conscious grin, his cheeks flushed pink.

“I don’t care,” Kakashi said, stroking through his hair and gazing into his dark eyes. “I just want to feel you.”

Yamato pressed forward and Kakashi moaned quietly as his solid, wonderful cock slipped inside him, filling him up in one long, slow stroke. He lifted his hips to meet his lover’s body and take him as deep as he could. Yamato settled on top of him with one hand cradling his jaw, supporting his own weight on one elbow.

“Kakashi,” he whispered as he drew back, his eyes slipping closed in pleasure. “God, Kakashi.”

Kakashi tangled his fingers in Yamato’s hair and drew him into another kiss. He panted against Yamato’s open mouth and arched when he thrust back into him.

“You feel so good,” Yamato murmured between soft, lingering kisses, thrusting slow and deep into his lover. Kakashi deliberately tightened around his length and Yamato let out a startled moan.

“Do whatever you want,” Kakashi whispered, slipping his arms around Yamato’s shoulders.

“I already am,” Yamato whispered back and Kakashi could feel the curve of his smile against his chin. “Just like this, Kakashi. Never want to stop.”

It surprised Kakashi just how much he was enjoying Yamato’s tenderness. Not that he didn’t always enjoy sex with his partner, but it was unusual for it to be this sensual. Even on the nights they spent together without specifically doing a scene, there was normally an edge of teasing, a lighthearted air to their joining that often had one or other of them coming on a breathless laugh. Yamato normally went faster, too, considering Kakashi had almost always come at least once already by the time he got Yamato inside him. In the same way that Kakashi had thought, before Yamato, that he wouldn’t enjoy sex without kink, he’d assumed that he wouldn’t enjoy making love, either.

Because that was exactly what they were doing: making love.

And Kakashi found that he didn’t mind it at all.

They _were_ in love, deeply and truly, and he could feel it in every movement of Yamato’s body against his. Kakashi could taste it on his lips and hear it in his voice and, most of all, see it in his dark eyes when they met Kakashi’s own.

It was intoxicating. Heady. Wonderful.

Kakashi let his hand drift down to his own leaking cock, caught between their gently moving bodies. He stroked it slowly, shivering at the added pleasure the touch brought but in no hurry to speed things along. Not when Yamato’s lips against his own were making him feel things deep inside his chest, huge, important things that could overwhelm him as much as the pleasure-pain of their earlier session had done. Kakashi clung to him and rode out the waves, all of his senses alive and alert to each and every sensation as much as if he were being whipped. He felt tears building somewhere deep inside and he didn’t try to fight them off. Yamato was taking him apart in a different way with his patience and his caring and Kakashi welcomed it with his whole body open and hungry for his lover's touch.

He could shatter like this and Yamato would keep him safe. He always did.

Yamato’s slow, careful thrusts soon got shorter, faster, keeping his cock buried inside Kakashi as his own orgasm crept up on him.

“Can you get yourself off?” he whispered into Kakashi’s ear, punctuating with a tug of the lobe between his teeth. “Can you do that for me?”

“I don’t care if I come,” Kakashi said and meant it.

Yamato laughed into the pillow then kissed his temple. “I’d like it if you did. Can you?”

Kakashi spread his thighs further apart and Yamato’s cock slid deeper. They both groaned.

“I need a little more, Yams.”

Yamato sat back on his heels, raising Kakashi’s hips to rest on his thighs, an angle that he knew from experience would help him to hit Kakashi’s prostate. He gave Kakashi a sharp thrust and Kakashi’s head tipped back to make a smooth column of his pale throat.

“Yes,” he whispered. “Right there.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” Yamato murmured. He fell into a rhythm of deep strokes that quickly had Kakashi biting his lip and squirming against him. His cock was flushed and leaking precum onto his stomach and Yamato took Kakashi’s hand and moved it there, encouraging him to touch himself. Kakashi gazed up at him with heavy-lidded eyes that squeezed shut when he twisted his hand over the head of his own cock.

“Oh,” he breathed and his muscles fluttered around Yamato’s hard length driving steadily into him in a way that made Yamato shudder. "'m close."

Yamato took in the sight of Kakashi’s scabbed, red nipples, the flakes of blood that his cursory wipe down had missed, and turned his head away to swallow hard. He had hated, hated so much to see Kakashi bleeding, knowing that he had caused it. But now his lover was writhing on his cock, so close to finding release again in his arms, and Yamato was determined to get him there.

He reached out and pinched Kakashi’s left nipple, rolling it roughly between his thumb and forefinger.

“Ah!” Kakashi cried, arching up into his touch. His own hand tightened around his cock in a spasm. Yamato fucked up into him one more time and then Kakashi was coming, crying, falling apart.

“I love you,” he gasped as his cock pulsed and tears spilled over his eyelids. “I love you, Yamato.”

The relief was as powerful as he’d ever gotten from being whipped, bound, even cut. As he came down he felt completely emptied out, all of the day’s small stresses forgotten to leave him sated in his lover’s arms, tingling and carefree and so in love he could hardly stand it.

That final pinch had hurt, yes, but Kakashi knew it wasn't why the tears had come. It was startling, on the edge of terrifying to understand that Yamato held his very heart in his hands, had inspired a love in Kakashi that he'd never dreamed himself capable of and had never wanted.

There was no part of him that he could hide from Yamato, not anymore, but that was alright because he didn't want to.

Yamato pressed forward and dragged Kakashi into a messy kiss, pushing his tongue desperately into his lover’s warm, willing mouth. He came deep inside him with a shudder and an ache of relief.

He didn’t want to say that it was the ‘I love you’ that had tipped him over the edge, but it certainly had been welcome.

His own tears took him by surprise and he didn’t realise that he was crying until Kakashi tenderly brushed over his wet cheek with his thumb.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly. Yamato nodded mutely and kissed him again. When they broke apart he pressed his face to Kakashi’s neck, still inside him.

“Can I stay here for a little while?” he asked, words muffled. “Would that be okay?”

Kakashi stroked his sweat-damp back, kissed his shoulder. “As long as you want. All night.”

Yamato let out a huff of a laugh and turned his head to kiss Kakashi’s jaw. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know it,” Kakashi whispered as another tear eased down his face.

They would need to get cleaned up. They would need to eat something, and afterwards, hopefully, get a good night’s sleep (although Kakashi suspected that another orgasm was not completely off the cards for either of them. He imagined lying beside Yamato, lazily kissing while their hands worked each other’s cocks and instead of rolling his eyes at such a juvenile, vanilla act, the idea made him feel warm all over. They would have to try it, he thought. If not tonight, then soon).

And in the morning, they would definitely need to talk more seriously about what had happened earlier that night.

Both of them had been reckless, too quick to ignore the rules and push their own boundaries and each other's and Yamato was right, it had been dangerous. Kakashi especially should have known–did know better. Guilt and shame swirled briefly in his stomach before he pushed them away.

Yamato raised his head and smiled at him, a beautiful smile full of love and warmth and trust.

“Are you hungry? I could make omelettes.”

“That would be nice,” Kakashi replied, stroking Yamato’s hair. “I’ll run us a bath, shall I?”

“I’m going to pull out now, sweetheart,” Yamato said and Kakashi made a soft noise in his throat.

They’d never really used pet names before, Kakashi preferring to be slandered with ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ during scenes and Yamato preferring to use his real name out of them. But the way that Yamato had called him ‘sweetheart’ tonight–not derogatory, not intended to feminise or degrade him but only spoken with genuine love and tenderness–warmed him, made him weak. He felt protected, loved and safe, so perfectly safe in Yamato’s strong yet careful hands. Kakashi found himself speechless, not only from the intensity of their lovemaking.

“Okay,” he said.

Yamato slowly withdrew from his body and lay down beside him. Kakashi rolled onto his side and they lay curled close, legs tangled, Kakashi’s hand on Yamato’s neck and Yamato’s on Kakashi’s hip.

They needed to start the unpleasant work of tidying and cleaning up. They needed to eat, needed to sleep, and they definitely needed to have another very serious conversation before too long.

But, Kakashi told himself as he looked at his lover’s peaceful face beside him, all of those things could wait for a few minutes longer. The world wouldn’t end if they took a little time to just be together and happy.

No, the world could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anybody would like me to write the referenced sessions  
> 1\. Yamato in his ANBU uniform  
> 2\. More edging  
> lmk in the comments 👀  
>  ~~I'm already 90% sure I will write the 1st one~~

**Author's Note:**

>  **Chapter 1**  
>  Trigger warning: dubious consent - Yamato is uncomfortable with Kakashi's request for physical pain but he pushes himself to do it anyway.
> 
> Trigger warning: pain play - Kakashi requests nipple clamps and to be whipped and enjoys the pain aspect of both, to the point of tears and orgasm.
> 
>  **Chapter 2**  
>  Trigger warning: subspace - Kakashi goes so deep into subspace that he becomes unresponsive.
> 
> Trigger warning: blood - Yamato realises that Kakashi's nipples are bleeding from the clamps and his lip is also bleeding (presumably bitten by Kakashi).
> 
> Trigger warning: panic attack - when Kakashi becomes unresponsive, Yamato has a panic attack. Includes referenced PTSD (implied, anyway) and imagining of Kakashi's death.
> 
> There is also some bad assumptions (from Yamato) about BDSM being linked to trauma, and a little bit of kink shaming.
> 
> Happy reading, I guess... :/


End file.
